Time travelling to the Past or Future? Understanding the Importance of Living in the Present

It's a Monday morning, Hima, is sitting on her desk with some work but her mind is wandering to a time during last month when she took a trip to Goa with her friends. The sunrise, sunset, long hours of relaxing on the beach, the pleasant air, Hima could imagine it all in the blink of an eye like all of it happened just yesterday. 

Rahul, Hima's colleague is sitting right next to her with his calendar opened on his laptop and counting days to his upcoming trip to Shimla. He is imagining himself buried in snow, snuggling up in his hotel room away from all these excel sheets. 

Are you like Hima or Rahul?

At some point in your life, you must have found yourself being drifted away from the moment. So, why does that happen?

1. Reality is too damn hard: When the present life is too stressful in terms of work-life, relationship and it is difficult to catch a breath for yourself, here is when you will experience your mind wandering to the dreams of a pleasant vacation or to a time where life was stress-free. 
2. Absent in the moment: Quoting Andy from the last season of the popular TV show The Office "I wish there was a way to know that you're in the good old days before you've left them". When we live a life, not being present in the current moment, not feeling the essence of every experience possible, it is but obvious that we will constantly think about past moments or things we wish we could've done. 
3. Habitual: At times, drifting away from reality can be such a natural process that every time you face a challenge or are just bored, your mind subconsciously begins planning the future or pulls out a memory of the past. 

At any given moment of time, you can't change your past or predict your future. The only thing that is in your hands is the present moment. The present, however overwhelming it might be, is trying to teach you something. When things are not going my way, I always try to remember this quote "Instead of asking why this is happening to me, ask, what is this going to teach me?." Life is a rollercoaster of pleasant and unpleasant moments, and if it weren't for these overwhelming, sad, hopeless, frustrating, painful moments, the pleasant moments would not be experienced with much joy. In my personal opinion, difficult times teach you more about who you are and what kind of goals matter to you than happy moments of your life. If you are stuck in a series of unhappy life moments, try asking yourself the question of 'What is in the situation that I can control?', 'How can I make the best of the moment?'. The Buddhist technique of mindfulness is often prescribed by the psychotherapeutic community as a way to advocate living in the present. Mindfulness is a technique that helps you absorb every moment, without living a life just as a passing motion. If you find yourself drifting away, try to bring back your focus to the present by noticing your breathing pattern, inhale deeply and exhale slowly. You can also try to notice the smallest things about your own surroundings like the shape of the tree, the colour of the flower, the architecture of a building etc to bring your focus back to the present.

At times, imaging a happy memory of your past can help you endure your present. Visualization of a better future and a stronger self is also a technique often incorporated in the therapy setting. Imagination is a powerful cognitive tool, it helps you become more creative and enhances your contextual intelligence. However, in an everyday scenario, being absent from your present, be it enjoyable or painful moments, may not have a positive impact on your wellbeing. 

Oscillating with your Emotions? Learn the Art of Emotional Regulation!

Happy, Sad, Angry, Jealous, Disgusted, Contented, Disappointed, Embarrassed, Rejected, Confused, Amazed - Which of these emotions are you experiencing right now?

As human beings, each one of us goes through a range of emotions on a daily basis. When you woke up today morning, you may have felt tired to begin the day, after having your breakfast you may have felt energized, on an office zoom call, you forgot meeting a client deadline and got scolded by your boss in front of everyone which made you feel embarrassed, in the evening, the pizza delivery guy forgot bringing your favourite garlic breadsticks which made you feel angry, in the night, your friend decided to surprise you by sending some gifts from amazon, which left you feeling happy.

 

Emotions are what makes us uniquely human. It helps you communicate, shapes your behaviour and build meaningful relationships. Yet, somehow, most of us don't experience the full range of our emotions. In my experience as a psychologist, I have seen two opposing variations in how people experience emotions. Either they deny certain emotions, numb themselves of emotional experience or engage in distraction techniques so as to not experience emotions or they experience emotions in an uncontrolled manner so much so that it begins interfering with their work, relationships and cause a generic dysfunction. This is especially true for emotions that leave us feeling negative.

 

So, why does it become important to effectively regulate your emotions?

Emotions are the driving factor behind our actions. If we don't invest time in learning how to drive a car and suddenly jump behind the wheels, it is bound to cause accidents. We as a society are more focussed on the intellectual development of children and not on socio-emotional development. This, I believe is also one reason as to why India is experiencing such high rates of Depression. Many people out there don't have the knowledge of emotions, how to experience them and the right tools to regulate them.

Emotional regulation refers to the process by which individuals influence which emotions they have, when they have them, and how they experience and express their feelings. Emotional regulation can be automatic or controlled, conscious or unconscious, and may have effects at one or more points in the emotion producing process (Gross et al, 1988).

The skill of emotion regulation helps us modulate responses triggered by emotions, helps us focus on important pieces of information and filter out the suited emotional response. The tools help you develop a higher Emotional Quotient, self-control and increase self-awareness. As social beings, we encounter different stimuli in our environment that provoke an upsurge of emotions. Emotional regulation as an ability helps you actively monitor the situation, judge, reason and then decide a response. 

Basics to Building Emotional Regulation -

1. Emotional Literacy: Researching and knowing about different emotion words so as to adequately label a particularly emotional experience is the most basic step. This step is especially important for children, developing a rich emotions vocabulary at a young age goes a long way. 
2. Observation: One of the first steps to regulating emotions is noticing and labelling emotions. Understanding our triggers, stimuli, situations that evoke a certain emotional response. This should be a judgement-free observation that helps increase one's own awareness of emotions. 
3. Delaying Response Time: This step is to realize which emotions have an overpowering impact on us and can trigger negative consequences. For example - Once you have realized that whenever you feel angry, you somehow feel out of control and displace your emotions onto someone either by shouting, behaving in a rude manner or by breaking things. You can use this knowledge to delay your response time. The next time you feel angry, pause for a moment, take some deep breaths and then an action. 
4. Deep Breathing: Practice the 4-7-8 breathing technique wherein you take a deep breath for 4 seconds, hold it in for 7 seconds and then exhale for 8 seconds. Every time you experience a surge of emotions, this technique will help you delay your reaction. 
5.  Re-appraisal: More often than not, all of us are conditioned to respond in a certain manner to a particular stimulus. For example- having a fight with a best friend will leave us angry or sad in most instances. Re-appraisal basically means a re-evaluation of the situation and the response we have to it. This is a cognitive skill that can be beneficial for the long term well being as well. 
6. Self-Compassion: Being mindful to be compassionate and forgiving to your own self when experiencing negative emotions. It takes time and effort to become aware of and regulate emotions. Ensure that you are standing by and not against yourself in the process.

It may be difficult to pause the natural, learned process of expressing one's own emotions. It is somewhere the fault of our society, our education system, wherein we fail to justify the importance of emotions and the role it plays in our life. Becoming aware of one's emotions is one of the most important aspects of self-awareness and wellbeing. 

References -

Gross and Thompson,(2007): Emotion regulation: Conceptual foundations.

Long Term Impact of Burnout & Prevention Techniques!

Burnout is the state of complete physical, emotional and mental exhaustion caused due to constant stressors leading to decreased motivation, lowered performance and a negative perspective of life. 

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay 

Signs of Burnout-

1. Extreme Fatigue to a point that simple day to day activities begin feeling difficult. 
2. Cynicism or a pessimistic outlook especially towards one's job.
3. A sense of apathy about everyday happenings of life. 
4. Leading a life with a general state of hopelessness & helplessness. 
5. Emotional Unavailability as seen in the form of ignoring friends phone calls etc. 
6. Difficulty in emotional regulation.
7. A sudden lack of empathy. 
8. Irritability or snapping out on minor inconveniences. 
9. A sense of ineffectiveness and lack of accomplishment.
10. Inability to concentrate, problem-solve, increased indecisiveness and reduced cognitive flexibility.

Burnout is associated with the overwhelming demand of a job which outstrips a person's ability to cope with the stress. World Health Organisation (WHO) in their comprehensive report on psychosocial stress emphasized that burnout is caused by high demand, low control, imbalanced effort-reward work environment. A permanent state of exhaustion can deplete a person of their mental and physical resources eventually causing physical illness, auto-immune disorder, depression, anxiety and in extreme cases even death. 

A study conducted on the neuro-cognitive impact of burnout found that participants who were highly stressed and experiencing a state of exhaustion showed an enlarged amygdala (area of the brain responsible for emotional reaction) and poor neural linkages between the amygdala and the anterior cingulate cortex & medial prefrontal cortex (area of the prefrontal cortex responsible for decision making and other cognitive activities). There are very high cognitive costs of burnout. Multiple pieces of research have demonstrated the changes in brain structure and impact on creativity, problem-solving and working memory due to burnout. 

Preventing Burnout -

1. One of the first steps to prevent burnout is to realize you are going through it. Observe and notice the signs of burnout. Don't ignore the signs of stress. 
2. Prioritizing self-care 
• 8 hours of regular sleep, proper nutritious diet, exercising - to ensure that your body remains replenished of fuels required for facing tough times.
• Making scheduled time for hobbies
• Making it a point to connect with friends, family or do volunteer, community service
• Trying out guided meditation (App recommendation: Insight timer, Headspace, Calm)
• Positive Affirmations
• Journaling (https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-health-benefits-of-journaling#1) 
• Trying Psychotherapy
3. If you feel like you don't have enough time for self-care, try to understand where your time apart from work is being spent. In times of burnout, it can be crucial to limit wasting free time and devoting it to self-care.
4. Unreasonable time pressure, lack of clarity of role, non-supportive management, unfair treatment at work may lead to excessive pressure, it is advisable to talk to superiors about its impact on your health and seeking help to manage workload. 
5. Try seeking the help of work mentors, role models or colleagues who can understand the pressure and guide you through a tough time. 
6. Activities like travelling, going out for social engagements can provide temporary reliefs but for long term prevention of burnout, you should engage in regularly scheduled work breaks. 

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay 

Sometimes, it's difficult to prevent burnout especially when the job causing the exhaustion is your only source of financial stability or in cases of sudden emergencies like during the beginning of the pandemic, most doctors did not have an option but to work in a state of constant exhaustion. During such time, it becomes important to realise that situation is out-of-control and have a strong self-care mechanism in place in order to protect oneself from the long term negative impact of burnout. Stress is a given of professional life, but extreme, unpredictable and unrelenting stress can have significant damaging effects on physical and mental health. 

Some important resources-

https://www.psychologicalscience.org/observer/burnout-and-the-brain

https://hbr.org/2016/11/beating-burnout

Anger: A Misunderstood Emotion in the Indian Society

 Anger is an emotion that is expressed as a result of frustration of needs, goals or the feeling of being wronged by someone or something. 

Anger is a misunderstood emotion in India. Most people are not able to understand that anger, like happiness, is an emotion. More often than not, our society teaches us to take offence when someone expresses their anger. In my work as a school psychologist, I often observed that when a student expressed their anger towards a teacher, s/he was labelled as being disrespectful to elders. Soon enough, every teacher in the school would assume that the student is aggressive and to not allow him/her to express any opinions in the classroom. Knowingly or unknowingly, the teachers have developed an impression of this student based on one solitary experience and generalized it to an extent that 'being disrespectful' has become all that the child represents for them. 

We as a society need to learn how to detach anger from disrespect. Anger is an emotion expressed when someone is hurt. If we are not giving our children the space to express their anger, they will soon learn to repress it. If repressing of emotions becomes a pattern it might show up in the form of frequent uncontrollable outbursts of emotions sometime in the future. Children not only learn how to react in a certain manner through role modelling of adults but also learn the expected reactions to certain emotions. Ultimately, we are raising more intolerant individuals.

Expressing Anger ≠ disrespect.

Emotions, whether they make us sad, angry, fearful or happy are important to experience. Emotions are what makes us human beings. We need to help people learn how to express different emotions. When we feel happy, we want to share the thing that made us happy with everyone. If anger makes you want to punch, push, argue with the person or thing that made you angry - think about how it would help you? Emotions have a tendency of engulfing you just like ocean waves. When we experience emotions at a stronger intensity, they can have unpredictable consequences. In order to have a richer emotional experience, we need to understand what each emotion makes us feel and what are our usual patterns of reaction. To enable this learning every school in India should include lessons on socio-emotional learning and raise more self-aware individuals. Understanding the origin of a particular behaviour and learning to appreciate beauty emotions is essential for our own well-being.

How to win the battle against Peer Pressure?

Peer pressure is such a common term. We hear it growing up and most of us have fallen prey to this psychological pressure sometime or the other in our lives. 

What is Peer Pressure?

It is a direct or indirect social pressure exerted by a group or person which leads to a shift in attitude, values, beliefs of another person in order to conform with the group.

Is all Peer Pressure negative?

Despite the common notion, all kinds of peer pressure are not negative. Some times, the pressure can have a positive impact on the person experiencing it. For instance, if Sumi becomes a part of a group that believes in working hard, meeting deadlines, is ambitious then naturally Sumi, too will tend to become goal-oriented. 

Why is this Pressure so influential?

Human beings are social creatures. There are mainly two types of identities that we all strive for: Self Identity & Group Identity. 

The social group we join reflects the kind of group identity we will develop. Becoming a part of any group gives us a feeling that we belong somewhere, that we are a part of something larger and we define ourselves in conjunction with this group. That's why it becomes important to follow whatever the group members do, be it positive or negative because we don't want to lose out on the group identity, we don't want to lose out on the feeling of belongingness. 

Which age-group is most influenced by peer pressure?

It is hard to generalize the phenomenon to a particular age group, however, by far adolescents is one such time period where most people would experience peer pressure. This is because the need to belong to a group and the search for one's identity is highest during this time period. Most adolescents will be open to experimentation as they are still trying to understand themselves and the world around them. Thus, getting entangled in the cycle of negative peer pressure is common. 

How can we prevent our teenagers from the negative effects of peer pressure?

1. William Mcguire, an American Social Psychologist gave us an important concept of 'Innoculation against Persuasive Attacks'. He believed that just like we innoculate infants against diseases by introducing a vaccine into their body, we can also psychologically innoculate human beings against any persuasive attacks by first exposing them to weaker counterarguments. For example- Many times teenagers are pressured by their friends to try out different substances like alcohol, cigarettes. If parents and schools are aware of the substance use problem, they can innoculate the students against the persuasive attacks that they are going to face in the future. You as a parent could educate your children about the harmful effects of smoking a cigarette and eventually help them learn how to refuse a smoke when they are offered one. The child could probably tell their group members that smoking can be addictive and lead to us becoming dependent on the substance every time we face stress. It is on the parents and schools to devise ways to innoculate students from different kinds of negative peer pressure they would eventually face. Most students would know that smoking is bad for health, they just don't know how to refuse a persuasive pressure imposed on them by the social group they really want to be a part of. Using role-plays to help your child understand and enact how they can behave if they are offered a substance can help as well.

YouTube Channels Every Psychology Student Should Follow!

    As a student of Psychology, we are constantly required to update our knowledge. The field is regularly updating with new researches & books being published every other day. Human behaviour is complex, it's understanding takes time but is required if you are practising in the field. In my years of study of this subject, I have found some Youtube Channels that provide concise, empirically- valid information about different psychological concepts.

Dr Tracey Marks [https://www.youtube.com/user/MarksPsych]

    Dr Marks is a Psychiatrist with over 20 years of experience in the field. In her channel, she talks about the clinical picture of various Psychiatric disorders, the common treatment methodologies and creates awareness about mental health topics. What I like most about her videos is her style of communication, it is very crisp, to the point and free of any medical jargon. If I put myself in the place of a client, I know her videos would help me understand and create more insight into the condition.

Kati Morton [https://www.youtube.com/user/KatiMorton]

    Kati is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in the US. The first thing that I noticed about her channel is that she is extremely passionate about mental health education. She has made tons, I mean tons of videos about disorders, signs & symptomatology, therapy modalities & self-help.

Dr Todd Grande [https://www.youtube.com/c/ToddGrande/featured]

    Dr Todd Grande has a PhD in Counselor education and supervision. He makes a variety of videos on mental health topics like psychopathology, research and statistics, true-crime wherein he makes research-oriented speculations about some famous criminal stories. I especially like his detail-oriented descriptions of personality disorder and his videos depicting role-plays wherein he demonstrates the counselling process of different therapy modalities, like motivational interviewing, how to assess suicidality, Psychodynamic therapy, CBT and even gestalt therapy -the empty chair techniques. These videos on the counselling process have cleared so many of my doubts and inhibitions not just once, but multiple times. I often refer to his video for understanding techniques related to the process of counselling. 

The Virtual Knowledge Centre by NIMHANS [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfrxPXvFCibh6mqUDErBi6g]

    The Virtual Knowledge Centre is a channel developed by the National Institute of Mental Health & Neurosciences (NIMHANS), Bengaluru, India in collaboration with Project ECHO (Extension of Community Healthcare Outcome), University of New Mexico Health Science Centre, USA. The channel is informative, research-driven with high reliability. I have learnt about so many different therapy modalities through their channel including about Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), Case history taking, Motivational Interviewing, Narrative therapy. In most of their videos, they give acronyms which can be used as a mnemonic device for better understanding.

    These were some interesting & informative youtube channels that you must follow if you are in the field of mental health. Let me know in the comments section below which are your favourite Psychology Youtube channels.

The Perfect Guide for Choosing a Career: Psychologist's Perspective

     Most movies (Hollywood or Bollywood) give us a very rosy idea of following our dreams, choosing a career that you are really, really passionate about. I am sure there was once a time in your life where you came out of a movie theatre feeling confident about pursuing your dreams.

    But what happens when you don't really know what you want to be or worse you know what you want to be but just don't know how to take the next step?

    In my role as a School Counsellor, one of the common concerns of students and parents alike were career-oriented. Psychologist, specifically those in the field of career counselling have devised a refined way of understanding career choices. In the following article, I am going to give you a glimpse of what we as Psychologists do to help a client understand their career trajectory. 

    While there is no magic formula to this question but if you understand a few things about yourself, you might be able to make a well-informed choice in this regard.

Interest

    One of the first things, like most movies would tell you, is finding your passion. You need to understand what is it that interests you the most -Is it being a cricketer, a singer, an airline pilot or a doctor? 

    Sometimes, finding your interest might be difficult. I remember one of my students telling me that they opted for the Science stream in their high school not because they liked physics & chemistry but because they didn't enjoy studying subjects in the humanities or commerce stream. Here, the choice of higher education was made by eliminating options. Another way of deciding is to observe one's own behaviour, is there a particular subject that you enjoy studying? Is there a sport that is an integral part of your life? There is usually some element that is driving your behaviour- a subject, a sport, an activity that you would do even if you were in a bad mood- reflect on it. It is equally important to note some of your dislikes. For example - I knew from a very young age that I am not good at Mathematics and I will never enjoy a career that would be based on this subject. Understanding your dislikes will help in elimination and arriving at a conclusion.

     Next task would be listing your 'Why' Why do I enjoy studying History? Why do I enjoy playing Basketball? Why do I want to become a Doctor/Engineer/Pilot/Airhostess? Without a reason for your passion, your journey towards a successful career might be unfulfilled. Understanding the driving force behind your interests will help you connect with your goals in a better manner & help in envisioning a future for yourself. Just listing out that I will do a Bachelor's in Psychology because I am interested in Psychology is not enough, listing out the reason like "I find the subject interesting", "I feel that I would be good at understanding other people's problems because I am an empathetic and patient person", "I want to have a role that impacts community welfare" is important.

Aptitude 

    Aptitude is your underlying ability to grasp the skills of a particular field. This basically means exploring if you have the mental capacity, the personality type, the right mindset required for doing the job of your interest. Exploring if you have what it takes to be in the profession. For example - a person who is an introvert trying to pursue a job in sales. A salesperson has to constantly engage in conversations with people, convince them to buy certain products- an introvert by nature would not prefer talking to a lot of people constantly. In such cases, one's personality will prevent them from acquiring the aptitude required for a job profile. 

    There are pros & cons to choosing your career based on just your interest or only on your ability to acquire skills (aptitude). Let me explain why using a simple example -Raj is incredibly interested in becoming a cricket player. He even listed out his WHYs, "I enjoy watching Virat Kohli play", "I am the biggest fan of  Indian Cricket Team", "I love reading about the history of Indian Cricket Team" - but does Raj have the motivation to get up every morning and train for 8-10 hours, what would his reaction be when he encounters consecutive defeats in a game and is not able to qualify for the nationals, is he a team player. Such skills are required for becoming a good sportsperson. On the other hand, let's say that Raj grew up seeing his father bat for the Indian Cricket Team. Raj admires his father's ability, precision and has no shortage of training when it comes to cricket. The only thing is that he is more interested in music than cricket. Do you think that by acquiring an aptitude for the sport he will be able to excel like his father?

    Aptitude, while necessary, will soon lead to burn out at a job if done without interest. Similarly, interest, passion, your driving force, will fail you in every profession, without having the ideal skills (aptitude) for the job. 

Ideal Career  =  Interest +Aptitude

    Real-life is much more complicated than just pursuing your interests or having the right skills for the job. If you belong to India, you might have a lot of pressure from your family to pursue a career in the sciences. As a 16-year-old, confused about career, it is difficult to understand where your parents might be coming from. It makes no sense as to why your parents are forcing you to become a doctor or an engineer with taking their perspective. If we try to think from their perspective- becoming an engineer, doctor, lawyer does guarantee a stable source of income throughout your life and are jobs well understood by our society. If you have a stable lifestyle, your parents will not have to worry about you. Once you understand their perspective it helps you comprehend their reality.

[Note: I am not trying to generalize. I understand that there are many Indian parents out there who give their children the space to pursue their dreams.]

    If you are someone who wants to pursue a non-traditional career path and are finding it difficult to convince your parents about it, try out the following steps. I have used an example of a makeup artist to explain the process. 

• Do a thorough Google search about the career. What is the exact role of a makeup artist, what are some of the best institutes in India that offer training, make a profile on LinkedIn and interact with people who have passed out from these institutes, check with them about the scope in the industry, how much do makeup artists earn, will the income help you become financially independent etc. See for yourself whether you will be able to pursue a career or not. If possible write down all the information you can about it.
• Make a pros & cons list of the career you want to pursue.
• Talk to your parents once you have done a thorough research. Parents may dismiss the idea of becoming a makeup artist because they don't know the job profile, while they know the job profile of an architect and they may ask you to pursue that. If you present your research in a convincing manner wherein you lay out a direction for your career, it will give them the confidence to see your reality.
• If you and your parents both are in a state of confusion about your career, schedule an appointment with a career counsellor. They will help you find a direction and the right institutes offering a course of your choice.

    As human beings, we often restrict ourselves when it comes to career options. A doctor might think that their life purpose is to help people. This might be true, but it doesn't mean that you cannot pursue alternative career pathway. Humans are creative beings, explore your passion, your skills as much as you can. Don't be bound by age or what stage are you in your career. Save & invest before making a career switch, but please allow yourself to explore.